i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
