My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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