very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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