He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
