You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
