I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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