Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
