I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
