I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
