My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sorry my hands just texted you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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