i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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