it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
