My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
