This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
