Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
