i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
