just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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