We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
