I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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