he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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