Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
