I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
