you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
