I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
