we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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