well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
