I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
