dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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