sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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