I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
