Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
