We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
