I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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