the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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