i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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