I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He felt like a one man threesome
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
