I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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