i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
