his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My ass is underappreciated
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
