Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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