I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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