After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
