i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
