College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
