I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
