Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Even my vagina gasped.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
