My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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