Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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