i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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