i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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