I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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