So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
